Ferrell does with hyperbole what Vermeer did with oil paints or Vionnet did with draping fabric. He is the master. And this time, for once, he was dead fucking serious. And yet everyone laughed. It was defnitely one of those "it's funny because it's true" moments.
The incident in question involved a party for the GQ Men of the Year dinner at which Lohan saw her former assistant walk in with new assistee Jessica Biel. The former assistant quit working for Lohan. I can't speculate as to why...
Lohan's career is basically hanging on by a thread at this point. She's always in the tabloids, along with Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney Spears and Posh Spice. However, unlike the previous two, Lohan actually DOES something (acts, right?) and unlike the latter two, isn't a washed-up pop star.
The last movie she was in that performed decently was "Mean Girls" and that was almost three years ago. And that was only because Tina Fey wrote it and Rachel McAdams kicks ass. Her movie poster for "Just My Luck" that's supposed to show her winking actually looks like someone got it in her eye during a facial. I actually loathe Lohan's screen presence to the point where as much as I loved the rest of the persformers in "A Praire Home Companion" I didn't see it because of Lohan. Robert Altman died recently, and I consider it a cinematic tragedy that his last film starred her.
So what happened? This is a girl that barely eighteen months ago seemed to have everything. Now it seems like a lot of people would rather be a Mississippi truck-stop waitress on the graveyard shift than have this girl's life.
The first obvious answer is the drugs, booze and partying. It does irritate me that there seems to be a blatant double-standard in Hollywood, even in 2006. Colin Farrel is given plum roles despite his openness about his drinking, drug use and womanizing. And yet Tara Reid loses her career for getting shitfaced. Lindsay is called a "filthy whore" and "STD-ridden slut" for being a serial dater. That kind of thing just doesn't happen to guys.
Next is her weird weight and breast fluctuations. Witness...
This one was taken on May 2004. Real tits do not look like that. It seems she was just a bit too stoked about her new girls and didn't wait for them to drop before baring them in a tank top.
A year after that, not only are the tits gone, but so's a lot of the rest of her flesh. The implant removal must have been a Rachel Zoe directive, since fake d-cups are not couture boobs, darling.
And there have been variations in between since.
So she loves to stay out late and party, like a lot of people her age. But most people her age aren't earning millions and living in the Chateau Marmont. Since she has to know there's heat on her for her drinking, she's apparently in AA now. And she's still knocking them back. I guess the "one day at a time" mantra only seems to apply to procrastination in treating the alcohol problem.
Her movies not only don't make money anymore, they barely crack the top 10 when they open and disappear from the cineplex in less than a month. And it's not just the public that's caught on. She was famously and publicly torn a new one while filming "Georgia Rule" because the film company (her bosses, the ones that keep her in Chanel bags and blow) called bullshit on her claims of "exhaustion" that would surface nearly daily. I don't doubt that starlet stuff like press junkets, photo shoots, awards shows, appearances, interviews and all that stuff don't wear you down. Anyone that's ever has a "crazy week" or month, can attest to that. But you know what? If you're that tired, DON'T go to Hyde or Bungalow 8 literally every single night. Can you cut it down to two maybe?
And now she's having paranoid outbursts at parties and Will fucking Ferrell is calling her a freak in front of Al Gore.
If anyone out there is young and fame hungry, please feel free to follow Lindsay's blueprint. As a stellar example of just what not to do.
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